mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
