1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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