Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
