Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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