so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
