Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
