Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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