well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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