I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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