My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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