I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
