Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My balls are so social today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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