we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
