woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Welp...herpes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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