The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
