I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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