I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
