OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
