the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
