Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
