Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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