I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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