Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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