is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
