If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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