I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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