You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
