she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
