you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Found the puke drawer
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
