I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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