i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize