OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
