This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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