Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize