Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Rumble strips road head = magical
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
