So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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