i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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