He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize