You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
