Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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