went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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