I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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