dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
