Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
