Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
