We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
