Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
