I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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