Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
