also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize