I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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