my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
