He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I smell stomach acid.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
