hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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