Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
