i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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