Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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