He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
