I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
