I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
