I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
